Fade to Black
by carinims01
Summary: Merlin is dying. Arthur is begging him not to. Reveal. Set post s4. Rated T. No slash.


Disclaimer: IDOM

Alright, so. Hear me out. I've been obsessing over a song called "F2b" (Fade to Black) by Safetysuit, and this happened. The lyrics are intertwined with the story, so you'll understand exactly why I'm in pain. I've left the ending open to your own interpretation. I apologize in advance.

Enjoy!

* * *

 _What happens when it fades to black?_

* * *

Fire burned in his veins. Adrenaline pushed it through his body. His head felt like it was about to combust, like one of Gaius' experiments. Black dots danced at the corners of his vision. He didn't feel when his knees hit the ground, but he registered the damp cobblestones against his the side of his face. The flames licked his insides, carving him out. He tasted his own blood on his lips.

Through his blurred vision, he could see the red capes of Camelot—knights—rushing around, trying to put out the rest of the flames. Trying to herd the citizen's to safety. Trying to recover the ones who had survived Druid's rampage.

Distantly, he heard his name being called. Screamed, really. Desperately.

Then there was someone turning him over, pulling him into their lap. The rush of it made his head pound and he whimpered, slamming his eyes shut.

* * *

 _This is not the color, it's the end._

* * *

He had no feeling in the rest of his body, but he could imagine how terrible he looked. His clothes had been scorched. He was covered in blood and dirt and sweat. His arm had been broken. He'd been stabbed. Choked. He'd been thrown at a wall. And he'd had pieces of said wall thrown at him.

"Merlin!"

The warlock could feel warm breath on his face. He was curled up into their chest. Despite the fire in his veins, he felt so cold.

"Open your eyes! Please!"

His body was being shaken and his injured arm bumped forcefully against the cobblestone. Merlin cried out, trying to roll away from the pain, as though it were possible. He had more feeling in his body than he thought.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Merlin. I'm _sorry."_

* * *

 _And this is not the end like a story_

* * *

The servant struggled to open his eyes as the pain dulled. The firelight hurt his eyes, but he tried so hard. His vision swam. Somewhere along the way, Merlin was sure he'd been concussed.

"That's it, Merlin. That's it."

Powder blue eyes stared into his. The warlock had never seen such desperation in someone's eyes. His face was covered in dust and ash. His hair fell into his eyes.

 _Arthur_ , his mind supplied.

* * *

 _This is really all that there is_

* * *

"—thur," he mumbled.

And then it hit him that Arthur knew. Arthur _knew_. About his magic. About what he could do. He knew he was Emrys.

His voice was thick and low. "I-I'm sorry."

The king yanked his glove off with his teeth, ripping off his cloak. "There'll be time for that later." Arthur pressed part of his cloak against the deep gash in his friend's side. Merlin cried out again, whimpering and curling into Arthur's chest. His only good arm was being crushed against a cold chest plate. "I'm sorry, Merlin."

* * *

 _And I don't really know if I can take it_

* * *

The young man's eyes began to flutter, his breathing grew increasingly erratic. It felt like Arthur was shaking him again, but he knew that it was his body shuddering on its own. He'd learned enough to know that he was going into shock.

"Stay with me, Merlin! Please! That's an order!"

His throat was so raw. His blood was on fire. What blood he had left. It felt like every fibre in his being was unraveling.

What this what it felt like to die?

Oh, God."

"I'm-I'm..."

"Stay with me," Arthur repeated. "Help! Someone get Gaius!"

Merlin struggled to meet his king's eyes. "Arth—"

The elder kept checking him up and down, as though some new injury would appear at any moment. "Shut up," he breathed. There was no malice behind his words. Rather, Merlin heard greif.

"Please," he whispered, swallowing down his pain.

And like magic, his friend was looking him straight in the eye. Merlin nearly choked on his own words at the onslaught of emotions in his king's eyes: worry, fear, confusion, desperation, _self-loathing_. But why?

* * *

 _So tell me there's a reason that I'm here_

* * *

He struggled to catch his breath as he spoke. "I'm-I'm sorry, A-Arthur. I wanted-ted to t-tell you."

"What's done is done," he replied curtly. "We'll deal with it later. This is my fault."

"N-no."

"You're hurt because you were protecting me. It's my fault."

Merlin was panting now. It was so hard to catch his breath. His foggy mind was trying so hard to keep up with Arthur's self-deprecating tone. If he was going to die, he wasn't going to let the prat take all the blame. "No. Arthur, p-please. My fault. I did... I did this. My decision."

* * *

 _And tell me there is somewhere that I'm going_

* * *

The warlock felt Arthur's hand carding through his hair. "Don't you ever do that again, Merlin. You clotpole."

A ghost of a smile pulled on his chapped lips, and he grimaced. "My w-word."

"Don't be so selfish," the king whispered. He reapplied pressure to Merlin's wound. The warlock hissed and tried to edge away, but Arthur held him firm. "I'm sorry, Merlin. I'm so sorry. I have to."

He knew he had to, but it didn't make enduring the pain any easier. He pushed back the threatening tears. "Arthur, if... If—"

Suddenly, there was a new fire in Arthur's eyes. He jabbed his finger into the servant's face. "Don't you dare start thinking like that. Don't."

"A-Arthur..."

* * *

 _Tell me I have nothing left to fear_

* * *

"You're going to be just fine." Arthur pulled him closer against him. "You're gonna be just fine."

The servant wasn't sure who he was trying to convince more. Merlin or himself.

"You are the bravest, most courageous, wisest person I know, Merlin. You have to be okay. You're my best friend. Please."

To say that the warlock was stunned would probably have been an understatement. Arthur had just learned of his magic. Arthur had just learned that he'd lied to him since the day they'd met. He...

"Y-you don't-don't h-hate me?" Merlin choked. He felt a shudder run through his body; felt himself fading and getting weaker and weaker. But he had to know. He had to.

"No, old friend." He ran his hand through Merlin's hair again. "I could... I could never hate you. Just, please. Be okay."

A smile pulled on the warlock's lips, and for the first time since all this began, he felt something resembling peace within him. The pain was still there, but the tumultuous fear of everything had dulled.

* * *

 _And tell me there is someone waiting for me_

* * *

He didn't realize his eyes had closed until Arthur was shaking him again, begging him to stay awake. Gaius was coming. Everything was going to be okay.

Merlin tried so hard to, but all he achieved was to make his eyelids flutter. His friend's face swam in his vision. He couldn't feel his body any more. Couldn't feel anything.

Was this what it felt like to die?

After Will was shot with the arrow in Ealdor, did he have a moment of peace before he died? He remembered his friend's eyes, light and full of life. He remembered his quick smile, his crude humor, his absolute need to protect Merlin from the village bullies. His first friend. His only friend in Ealdor, really. They'd grown up side by side, inseparable. The village's trouble makers.

Arthur was screaming at him to wake up. To open his eyes. To do anything. Merlin could only barely hear him.

* * *

 _Tell me there is someone waiting for me..._

* * *

And Freya? Did she experience this?

He recalled her lovely face. Her dark eyes, her cautious smile. The love in her eyes as Merlin cared for her.

Strawberries. A little house by the lake. Mountains.

A future never lived.

" _Merlin!_ Stay with me!"

* * *

 _Tell me there is someone waiting for me..._

* * *

And his father? The person he'd known for exactly three days. Had already begun to love. Who had accepted him so quickly. Was _proud_ of him.

Did he have any peace after he'd saved Merlin?

He deserved it.

They all did.

" _Please!"_

* * *

 _Tell me there is someone waiting for me..._

* * *

His eyes fluttered once more as Arthur screamed at him. He could feel his friend's hot tears falling on his face. His hand on his shoulder fisted his coat.

"I need you, Merlin!"

Merlin met his eyes and, if he'd had the tears left, would have wept at the sight of Arthur Pendragon sobbing over _him._ "I'm sorry, Arthur."

His eyes fell shut. Everything faded to black.


End file.
